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When you drink Pepsi, you are drinking a magnetic field

pepsi

I used to work in PR, so I know my way around a ridiculous statement. But if this leaked PDF from the brand marketers for Pepsi is in fact real, then I need to get back into the industry to try to top its ostentatiousness. I recommend reading all 27 pages of it (there’s a lot of whitespace, a hallmark of good design), and try to place yourself in the boardroom where that new logo was pitched. The executives who approved it must have been either too proud or too high to admit that they had no clue what was going on.

Some highlights:

The Pepsi ethos has evolved over time. The vocabulary of truth and simplicity is a reoccurring phenomena in the brand’s history.

geometry that is to become proprietary to the Pepsi culture.

The Pepsi Ratio is aesthetic geometry.

The Pepsi DNA finds its origin in the dynamic of perimeter oscillations. This new identity manifests itself in an authentic

Emotive forces shape the gestalt of the brand identity.

Attraction Theory: The Pepsi Proposition — Establishment of a gravitational pull to shift from a “transactional” experience to an “invitational” expression.

I’m not sure what’s more outrageous, saying your new logo somehow is in the same aesthetic league as the Mona Lisa or the Parthenon, or the fact that you later compare the logo to emotions, one of which seems to be intense pain, presumably from the kidney stones the Pepsi has caused inside the pitiful emoticon.

Though I’m a little disappointed they didn’t go farther with explaining the colors. Their proposed Pepsi Universe (impossible, I say) would be made up of only red, white and blue. It is of course an American universe that has conquered the damn, dirty, red, communist Coca-Cola. And what a sweet capitalist universe it is.

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2 Responses

  1. If I were laughing any harder, I’d be getting punched in the jaw by my own diaphragm.

    Who the hell do these people think they are?

  2. sounds like a whole lot of bullshit for a design that was probably designed on the back of a cocktail napkin in a topless bar by drunken intern.

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